I’ve been reading a lot of CVs recently. I need some application developers and some software implementers. Hence I’ve been getting a lot of CVs hitting my desk. Now, there are lots of websites dedicated to writing a good CV and you’d think that people would sit up and take notice of this advice. But no, not in my world, to give you few examples of what I’ve seen.
1.) “I Worked on a ferry, I learnt to tie knots.” Whilst useful, not really necessary unless you’re planning a future working on the QE2. Although I am considering throwing in a “tie me a sheep-shank and two half-hitches” question – just to see.
2.) “Employment Terminated, I was a bit wet behind the ears.” Seriously, never admit that you were fired or that you deserved it. Ever.
3.) Never admit to stealing customer’s internet bandwidth so that you could play call of duty or World of Warcraft online.
4.) Never talk about yourself in the 3rd person
5.) Never write your life story in a light-hearted or amusing way as part of your C.V
6.) Don’t lie on your CV. Most people can spot a b***shitter a mile off. Don’t lie about your experience or skills. Be prepared to be closely tested.
7.) When asked a question about your skills, don’t suck air through your teeth, shrug your shoulders and say “yeah, I’m pretty average at that”
8. ) Don’t ask if you can have access to the internet to answer interview questions.
9.) Being late is one thing, not actually turn up to the interview is another. I’ve had two three no-shows – people have confirmed the interview over the phone and then, nothing. No explanation, no reason, just didn’t turn up.
10.) Never, ever, use Comic Sans MS unless you’re 5 years old. Even if you are a young attractive female with big boobs, don’t do it. Why not? http://sixrevisions.com/graphics-design/comic-sans-the-font-everyone-loves-to-hate/
Being honest is one thing, just don’t take it too far worlds-worst-cv-admits-to-stealing-laziness-and-skiving and make sure you know what job your applying for beauticians-confused-after-mistakenly-applying-for-building-site-nails-job
